Is Your Career Ruining Your Relationship?

I just got off the phone with a client.  She is a self-described workaholic and blames this for the collapse of her first marriage.  Now she’s in a new relationship … and she can feel that her fiancé is getting fed up with her.  When she’s not at the office, she’s constantly checking email and texts.  When she does put the phone down, she’s not really “there” … she’s lost in her head, thinking through all the things she has to do.

She’s so overwhelmed by the stuff on her plate that she’s waking up at 2AM, thinking about what she has to do … and she can’t get back to sleep.  The lack of sleep is catching up with her, and she’s becoming that person she swore she’d never become: short, harsh, and impatient.

Even though her relationship is very important to her and (she knows from past experience) it’s in serious jeopardy, she feels powerless to change her behavior. That’s because it’s being driven by her unconscious mind — the part of her brain that’s all about survival. In a twisted way, her unconscious mind is sabotaging her by trying to protect her.

We spent some time discussing her situation. For her, it was all about “not letting people down.”  She couldn’t say no (because she didn’t want to let people down) … so she would overcommit and become overwhelmed.  Because she “didn’t want to let people down,” she was always available for text messages and instant messages. She had her email notifications turned on so she could see every email coming in to make sure there wasn’t anything important to respond to, but these constant interruptions were drastically reducing her productivity.

Productivity experts have a million tips for being productive. But most of us hit a wall when we try to implement them … because our unproductive behavior is usually serving to “protect us” from something.

By using the Neuro-Focus Shift Method, we worked on her anxiety around letting people down (and ruining her reputation). Soon she began to feel OK about putting herself on “do not disturb” mode and focusing on her important work.  She did a brain dump of what was on her plate and then prioritized it.  She immediately became more relaxed and more productive. Now she is committed to stop working at 4:00 every afternoon, turning off her phone, and spending time relaxing with her fiancé. Their relationship is improving, and so is her overall quality of life.

We’re driven to succeed – but success is bitter if it comes at the cost of the relationships most important to us.  By making some subtle shifts in your brain’s wiring, we can quickly get you working smarter and living more.

This is what I love to do.  How can I help you?

Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.